2000-03-27 09:11:12 there is this helicopter hovering over the commons today. I saw it from symphony, way downtown. it was just hovering there. not going anywhere. this weekend I did one thing and did not do another thing. together they prove my increasing reclusiveness. I can't bear crowds anymore. I can't stand being around clutches of humanity anymore, which gives me cognitive dissonance, because I'm more and more trying NOT to be a misanthrope, and I want to believe the inherent Good of people, and I get mad, insane furious even, about the few Gun-owning Parents and SUV Owners and Idiot social scientists who are ruining it for the rest of us. so I don't know why I'm like this. I was supposed to go to see the dismemberment plan on saturday. i LIKE them. I WANT to go see them. I don't see many live bands, but them, I wanted to see. but it got closer and closer to the show time, and it was saturday, and the show was 18+, and they were playing UPSTAIRS at the mid east, which is a shitty place for any band to play, let alone one of high caliber. the room is all fucked up and it's design makes no sense, in terms of seeing a band play, and 10 people make it seem crowded, so I couldn't imagine what it would be like saturday night. and I didn't want the rowdy boys bumping into each other on purpose, and I didn't want the skinny skinny girls with exposed spines prowling around like cats. so I skipped it. and then on saturday Rosalie and I went to the movies. and it was notable, because when we got there I said "When was the last time we went to the movies?" and she said "I have no idea." but really, I think i WROTE about the last time I actually went to a movie, and it was in january. the thing is I get SO stressed about going to the movies. I get so panicky that we'll be late, that we'll miss previews, or WORSE, miss the beginning of the movie, which terrifies me, I remember the last time it happened, it's etched in my brain forever, City of Lost Children. and I don't like the people who sit near me at movies. who laugh at the things I don't think are supposed to be funny, and I wonder if they're insane and brought guns to the movie theatre. and I don't like how much everything costs, of course. and I don't like the impending threat, as I race through the doors, that I'll get some crappy seat, or that I'll have to pee at the most important part of the movie. which isn't so far-fetched, I have a notoriously weak bladder. I guess it doesn't matter what movie we saw. but I did enjoy it greatly. I would have enjoyed it on video too. and I was sure as shit glad I went to a matinee and didn't have to pay $9. anyways. I don't know what my problem is, but it feels like I'm way past any sort of help that non-attachment would offer. and it's not that I only like to be locked up in my house, but I wonder if that's where I'm headed, towards some pathetic barton fink high-tower bullshit with my books and my notepads and my pencils and no clue what's actually happening in the world, because we're getting rid of cable. we're doing it. I think we're going to do it. we've talked about it. we're going to try. we're getting rid of cable. k thank you very much & credits music: |
1. today is nice 3. happy yesterdays 8. thanks for hosting 4. doing other things |
(Proof that I am the only one reading.) |