2000-03-08 12:29:05 I should love my job. I'm getting paid, this week, to sit at my desk and figure out how to use Director. Isn't that awesome? Isn't that most people's dream job? Why do I always think maybe I want to do something different? This is it right, the pinnacle? This is what I've been hoping for? This is what people hope for. I should love this job. I should be thanking every star for this job. Why am I seeing a career counsellor? Why is he not helping? I just heard about a friend, someone I knew in college but who I'm not in touch with anymore. She's not eating. She doesn't like her body. She doesn't get that she's cute and intelligent and cool and her friends love her no matter what. Or she knows that other people think that about her, but that's not what helps. You have to actually believe it about yourself, which is of course the hard part. I was like her in college, I think. I was totally caught up in photography, and models and fashion and the way people look and the clothes they wear and obsessed with the way I looked and frightened of what people must think of me. I was skinny. SO skinny and tall, and I would have done anything to keep it that way. I was sure if I stopped thinking about how skinny I was for one minute, if I wasn't always concentrating on it, I would realize that I was actually fat. I would wake up. That seems like so long ago. And I don't know what happened. I don't know why I don't feel like that anymore. I'm just normal now, I don't think anyone would really consider me skinny anymore, I'm just normal. And it's fun. It's nice to just be and not have to worry about it. But I want to tell her something, to help her make it better, but I don't know what. I don't know what did it for me. I have no idea. k thank you very much & credits music: |
1. today is nice 3. happy yesterdays 8. thanks for hosting 4. doing other things |
(Proof that I am the only one reading.) |