2005-11-01 9:21 p.m. The customer is king, they told me when I got down here, and they gave me a nametag so that everywhere I went, I was greeted with "Hello, Mr. Van Vleet!" They are serious about customer service. We all get face time with the Devil, no matter how many of us end up here, and it happens pretty regular. I had spent about a month in one of the sex-related regions, realizing that yes, all the fun can be sucked out of it and it's easy and genitals look like sea animals anyway, when my last appointment with the Big Guy rolled up. "How's it going, Mr. Van Vleet?" he asks, not even having to look at my nametag. Or maybe he peeked without me noticing. Suave. "Okay, I guess. I was just admiring the way there's nothing fun down here and I spend all my time more or less uninterested in my surroundings." "That took a lot of hard work," he says, and pats my shoulder in a friendly way. But his hand feels like someone just dumped spaghetti down my shirt. How does he do that? "We've got something new for you," he says, and his hand pushes out this lady by way of introduction. "This is Lisa. She's going to be your new best friend down here." "Yeah?" I says. "Yeah," he says. "How does that work?" "It works like this... on the off-chance that there's something you do find an interest in, she's here to tell you it's stupid. Or just to look at you with such a complete lack of interest that you wonder why you bother." I nodded my head. "You'll be inseparable. Trust me, it'll be great. And by great, I mean unpleasant." He got up to leave and shook my hand and I said, "Before you go, I just want you to know that I appreciate the personal touch down here. You guys do fantastic work." "We've had a lot of practice he said." And then he's gone. So I turn to Lisa and say, "He's got a handshake you can believe in. Did you see that?" And she just sorta shrugged and in that shrug was a truth I had not realized before. That shrug summed up a lot that had previously been unclear. I took her hand to drag her off to the zone where people's teeth just keep falling out. I don't think she's going to like it. I don't think I'm going to like it. Funny how that works out. |
1. today is nice 3. happy yesterdays 8. thanks for hosting 4. doing other things |
(Proof that I am the only one reading.) |