2005-02-13 4:59 p.m. oh how beautiful, how beautiful, she kept repeating right up until one swooped down in a cloud of feathers and started gnawing on her face something awful. Newscasters were IS IT THE APOCALYPSE and there was a smell of mold from the angels' wings, like the smell of basements in the air as they circled, hungry. We sent out bishops and cops and they were made short work of. The guys who clean up after ticker tape parades had their pagers go off, BACK INTO WORK BOYS A BIT EARLY THIS YEAR, to instead of following the elephants with shovels they're scooping what was bishops and cops into mixed caskets in front of sobbing widows. There were rival believers printing up custom t-shirts so they could meet in the street and rumble it out with fists over who believes in what's going on and who doesn't and who is right. If you had the guts, you might still get a chain across the eyes and be left in the middle of 3rd and Howard with the sound of flapping coming down on you being the last sound you get. President on the TV wears a duck-hunting hat and has a shotgun and a whistle around his neck, recommends the building of blinds. they're sure enough good eating if you can bag 'em, he says, just don't eat the wings 'cause they is filthier than the embassies of the shit-eyed people who are our great nation's enemies. like they never learned what a broom or a garbage can is. but we have a new enemy now and they are filling the skies and giving our children nightmares. People put signs on their lawns supporting the President and we all soon joined the children with nightmares staying up all nights. Not because we had nightmares but because of the sound of whistles and bird calls to lure them down so we could bag 'em. Grandma been lingering? Her hands like roots on the down comforter, drying out like ginseng? Help her along, then, leave her on the lawn as bait. Get a return on the investment on those designer antibiotics and the chemo that left her bald as a kung-fu monk. Feed the family for a week with a single monster, angels with bad teeth, feathers all falling out. Heard on the radio the voice of one of them. What happened was some hippies treated them like squirrels, leaving hamburger on the lawn, closer and closer to the house until one was eating out of their hands and speaking English. So they give him the spare bedroom and the radio people come out and ask all the big questions starting with IS IT THE APOCALYPSE? And he says, voice like a muffler with a hole in it, NO NO NO IT IS ONLY RECESS. WE EAT YOU FOR FUN. BUT SOON THE BELL WILL RING AND WE WILL GO BACK. There was grateful banter then, they're not such bad monsters after all, until the creature ate the guy holding the reel-to-reel tape and the rest of the crew had to flee the hippy house. Reel-to-reel guy's wife interviewed saying he lived for warm analog sound and he died doing what he loved. And I'm all WHAT, SCREAMING INTO HIS PARTNER'S MIC THAT HE NEEDED HELP? Newspaper headline IT WILL BE OVER SOON and there's NATIONAL SIGH OF RELIEF DAY signed into law. Guys who invested in a stock of heavy steel-reinforced umbrellas start their GOING OUT OF BUSINESS sales to the personal protection market and am I the only one who noticed they didn't ask how long recess is for? Everybody sleeping again and making plans for the summer months and nobody asked what time is soon. |
1. today is nice 3. happy yesterdays 8. thanks for hosting 4. doing other things |
(Proof that I am the only one reading.) |