2003-11-11 5:29 p.m. Please look over the following list before submitting your resume, list of references, and blueprints for easily portable but disguised weapon. How my previous partners have died. 1. Shock and blood loss. Also, loss of leg to alligator. I ended up hanging over the alligator pit by my wristwatch, which had a grapple unit hidden inside. 2. Stroke. Due to confusion about actual identity, post-brainwash. I had to remind him who he was and he almost didn't, but then he did and he had a stroke. 3. Unknown. Lost one guy while running from a helicopter in Tuva. Maybe he's alive, but he wasn't really built for the nomadic lifestyle demanded of by those Mongolian plains. Chubby guy. 4. Sexual exhaustion. Not enough fluids. Seduced by daughter of an evil genius. The daughter ended up dead, too, after trying to double-cross me. As if two-timing me weren't bad enough. 5. Old age. Just kidding. That hasn't happened yet. I mean "shot to death." Actually, this one happens a lot. Please note that by signing below you are stating that you have read the above and accept the implied condition of continued employment with me, master spy and ladies' man, bon vivant and person-who-laughs-in-Death's-musty-face, and agree to arbitration with a neutral party in the case of disagreements over hazard pay or funeral costs. X ___________________________ Date: _______________________ |
1. today is nice 3. happy yesterdays 8. thanks for hosting 4. doing other things |
(Proof that I am the only one reading.) |