2003-08-06 12:08 p.m. Donald puked all over his rifle, so I'm pretty sure Sarge isn't going to put a gold star next to his name today on the company roster that Sarge keeps on a clipboard. Sarge really wants us to work for those gold stars. Not to take them for granted. These new rifles are pretty fancy, too. The cool thing about them is the physics, which I don't get, but when you shoot the enemy it gets pretty hilarious. How it looks is like this-- say I'm up on the roof of one of their chalk-mud fucking primitive huts, little bugs chewing up my legs and crotch like usual. (I hate this country and the vermin who live here.) Along comes Johnny Bugdick, enemy soldier, below me in the trash strewn street, munching a burger like he earned it. I line up the cross-hairs right above his left ear and pull the trigger and Bam! For about two seconds I can't hear and below, a chunk of meat leaves the right side of his head and stays there. He stays there, upright, the red mist and bone hanging off of his head like a flower tucked behind his other ear. Festive. He's frozen there, knocked outta time for as long as it takes the bullet to shed its temporal charge. Between his teeth, the burger. In his pubes, some very confused, slowed down bugs. For all I know, his brain still trying to think "Yum! Good burger! This will give me energy to kick the foreigners out of my backwards country so I can go back to beating my wife, kicking neighborhood children to the ground and slapping animals that look at me funny." An instant propaganda statue right in the middle of the road for all the locals to see. At first, the locals would try and take the statues away to bury them, but they learned quick that they couldn't do it. Whoever gets close enough to a temp-bulleted corpse slows down too. It's a very local effect. The company used to laugh because we'd hit the mess hall, play some cards, come back the next day and the dumbass local is still there looking surprised and trying to let go of the standing corpse... very very slowly. Anyway, today Donald got jumped by some teenage local-turned-combatant who was wielding a broken bottle or something. Donald was taking a piss against a wall when he got jumped. He pipped the kid's face on instinct with his temp-gun but was pinned by the frozen body against the wall until we caught up with him. And even then, we had to stop laughing and Fagen got Donald to promise him a week's worth of desserts to pull him out from between the wall and the kid's demolished spray-flower face. Another day, another statue and Donald coulda got a gold star from Sarge for that kill, no problem, if he hadn't chucked. I mean-- great reflexes to shoot a local with your dick still hanging out. Anyway. Best part is that some of Donald's stream is still there, slowly but surely soaking the statue's leg. I hope the locals seriously get the point. We'll gladly piss on all of them. We drink lots of water and have plenty of ammo. |
1. today is nice 3. happy yesterdays 8. thanks for hosting 4. doing other things |
(Proof that I am the only one reading.) |