2003-01-06 5:35 p.m. The man decided to become a spy and it was all because of cigarettes and the supernatural. Also, he looked like a fat pig and no one suspects fat pigs of being spies because they're easy to run after and catch if you see some microfilm dangling out of their pocket. No running along the tops of trains or skiing in front of avalanches to catch a fat pig spy, no sir. Just follow them for a block at their top speed and they'll come to a stop, sure enough, sweating and claiming that their left arm is going numb and they never wanted to be a spy anyway, but with the big money they were set for top-notch bacon deliveries from around the world for the rest of their lives. But I digress. This guy, he was fat, but more importantly he smoked. And he got these special smokes from a convenience store down by Chinatown. It ain't run by Chinese, no mysterious-Oriental-secrets bullshit here. Actually, some Pakistanis ran the store. They run a lot of things around here. But one of them has this inside line on these cigarettes, right, and the deal with the cigarettes is that they're all cursed. Not for the guy who smokes 'em. For the guy who's already dead and trapped on this plane as a ghost of smoke. Oh my yes. Our fat spy lights up and here comes a smoky outline like a genie, but with watery eyes and a dour expression 'cause who wants to be a cigarette ghost? Huh? No one, that's who. But in a pickle, our smoking spy uses his smokey pals for surveillance, blowing them under locked doors, stubbing them out in potted plants in military offices. He can talk to them and they can answer, but everytime they talk to him, it gets hard for him to hear 'cause the soot builds up on his eardrums and for all he knows he's getting cancer of the head just by listening. That's why you wanna pay this guy top dollar. Whatever you wanna know, he'll get for you. Just hire him fast... 'cause, you know. Probably won't live that long. The fat, short-winded sneaky little bastard. |
1. today is nice 3. happy yesterdays 8. thanks for hosting 4. doing other things |
(Proof that I am the only one reading.) |