2002-12-17 12:12 p.m. "You know what I hate?" "What, Lou." "People who can't flush urinals. Refuse to. I don't care why, I don't care how--" "I know, Lou, I--" "--maybe they're water conservation nuts or what but I hate going up to a urinal that's practically, that's practically hip-deep in piss already." "Hip deep, you're saying." "I exaggerate... maybe this much, Hank." "Well, if anyone would know..." "I did the work, I've seen the figures. I put in years there, designing urinals, weighing all the factors involved and IT'S A FACT! Less water used when you flush." "Uh huh." "Flush away, pal, 'cause otherwise, the urine, it accretes, and then you're fucked. Takes lotsa fresh, precious water to clean that off, hippy, I tell you what." "Uh huh." "Hank." "Huh." "I told you about it, right? What can happen?" "Oh, Christ, not this again." "It's a scientific fact, Hank. There are such things as piss gems." "Not this again, please, Lou." "A FACT! You let the piss sit... for weeks, maybe months. And the air above it, the porcelain around it... they act on it and it crystallizes. With time and the elements--" "Jesus." "--you can get yourself a sizable piss gem, Hank. And that's money in the bank. Very valuable, very rare." "Rare 'cause people flush." "They do, and I'm glad of it, because the process is disgusting and that's why they're rare." "If this was true, Lou, then every crazy homeless squatter would be rich 'cause they save it in milk bottles 'cause they ain't got no bathrooms." "They don't do it right." "Serious, they piss on walls in alleys or sometimes they keep it in bottles, sealed up. Either throw it out or maybe they sell it to fairies, I dunno." "Different conditions. Different environment. I did the science, I should know." "So how come you ain't rich?" "Because I am a man of sophistication. Class. Classy people flush." "Huh." |
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